Tuesday, September 15, 2009

so close and yet so far

The word safe keeps coming to mind.

I can't remember the last time I felt safe - well maybe I can. The last time I remember really sleeping thru the night - sleeping like a baby without the assitance of sleep medication was shortly after Felecia was born - when I was still at home. For 17 years I have slept restlessly - waking at noises - waking up to walk the house and check on the kids - waking up to finish a project - pay a bill - put in a movie and attempt to sleep again.

I wonder if I will ever feel secure again. If I will ever be able to close my eyes and nod off in the knowledge that there is nothing for me to do - that everything will wait for morning and if it doesn't - someone else can handle it.

I wonder if I will ever feel that way again. I have felt it in different places for a minute - for an hour - but I want it forever

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