water ways

I have always been drawn to water in motion. I love the ocean, but not near as much as lakes and rivers. The motion of the waters in the ocean are so chaotic. Constant churning and the rhythmic beating of the waves. After awhile I feel a lot of anxiety, a lot of restlessness. It is if the pounding waves have somehow transferred that extra energy to me.

Rivers are different. The water tumbles and babbles. Rushes sometimes - but always with direction and purpose. I can watch it and feel its purpose. Kinda helps me center myself. I set my anxieties afloat and watch them be carried away. I can feel the water's source - like the energy flowing my way.

Lakes are for peace. When I am at rest - just take me out on a boat - give me a book and a big floppy hat and my polarized sunglasses (and some spf 45 cause I am a pale girl) and just let me drift away. Somedays I want a pen and my journal and there I can write it all down - better than setting it afloat - cause on paper I own it.

Then there are the days lakes bring adventure. Floating strings of pontoon boats - music laughter and dancing. A red neck yaught club at its best. I watch the speed boats fly by faster than I can even imagine....recently I have learned how fast they can go - staggering really. Maybe motion over water would be just as freeing - I may never know.


There are two places here in town I go when my head is swimming - both on the great miami. The first is at the levy. There are some swinging benches - mine is the first one from the north bridge. Bring a jacket to curl up behind my back and I can sit for hours. Many tears have been shed on that bench. The bike cops know me and rarely hassel me when they see me there after hours. They seem to know when they should stop and chat and when to ride by. If my friends see me there they don't check the temperature - they know I don't go there happy - so they often come and sit and swing with me.....but they want to talk about it. I don't often go there when I am ready to talk - its where I sort it all out. I have this dream (I guess you would call it a dream) that someday there will be someone who knows to find me there. They will just pick up my feet - lay them in their lap. Rest their hand on my leg and then just sit with me - not worrying about when I will let it go - just knowing eventually I will - and that just being there is enough. Like I said - its a dream

The second place is along the same river - just at a different bend. There I sit on a marble bench dedicated to someone. It sits next to a covered bridge - and the water moves faster and is a bit lower here. I write a lot at this bridge. I go there when I am on the phone - when the conversation is easy and when its not. My friends haven't discovered my affinity for this bridge yet - but they will find me there - they always seem to find me when I try to hide. The road noise is louder and there is a ball field not far away - but I seem to be able to tune them all out.

I should have listened to myself and gone to the water today. Instead I tried to stay on task - kids - work - all that good stuff.

But maybe tomorrow. The water is definately calling