love that life is full of mirrors

So I have been swimming in frustration lately - so many places i see people shutting down - it seems like I will meet someone - find them incredibly interesting - and they will start a conversation - open a door that looks like it might lead to friendship - or something - and then just shut down - completely -

It happens over and over - in all venues and aspects of my life

and finally I was just so frustrated - I wondered what I was doing that kept people from feeling like they could let me in - What was wrong with me that people didnt want me to be a part of their world

and then it occurs to me - was it them? or was it me?

do I let people in? do I really open myself up? do I really let myself need people?

when is the last time I told someone I needed something?
when is the last time I let someone help me?
when is the last time I admitted that I can't do it all by myself?

I will tell you - that I rely on myself becuase i am the only person who has never let me down

but am i really serving myself by not allowing myself to ask for help?
am I just letting myself down?

If you know it, but you dont do it - then you dont know it

If you always do what you always did you always get what you always got

If I want something different in my life I have to be willing to risk living in a different way

shit

now I have to prove I know it

Hot Dog!